


But None of That Was Ever Who We Are

by moreculturelesspop



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Always Female Dean Winchester, Birth, Childbirth, Established Relationship, F/M, Female Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Male Castiel/Female Dean Winchester, Post-Season/Series 15, Pregnancy, graphic birth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:28:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26256412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moreculturelesspop/pseuds/moreculturelesspop
Summary: When Deanna walks into the hospital, Sam isn't expecting her to walk into the maternity ward.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 91





	But None of That Was Ever Who We Are

He knows Deanna is hurt. She’s slow and her bow legs look more pronounced. She won’t leave until the demon is dead. Won’t leave until she knows everyone has got out safely. She’s slow and out of breath. It’s a simple job, they mostly have been since Chuck’s demise, but his sister is struggling. Once he knows the demon is ganked he needs to get her to the car as quickly as possible. He suspects a fractured leg or ankle and at least a bruised rib. She’s out of breath and he’s concerned that something has punctured her lung.

She won’t let him drive but she doesn’t tell him she’s okay. She’s so in her zone, she can barely acknowledge him. He has a cut lip and a bruised knee, and he’s not really sure how Deanna is so much more injured than he is. She not driving towards Lebanon, he realises. She pulls into the hospital parking lot, ignoring any parking charges. Sam can see how white her knuckles are, gripping onto the steering wheel.

“Are you hurt?” he asks, a stupid question, he knows. She gets out the car and pops open the trunk. Sam thinks it might be her ankle because she is walking with her legs extra bowed. She grabs the black bag for the trunk, Sam had presumed it was a weapons bag when she threw it in the trunk that morning. She lets him carry it in the hospital for her.

“Can you point me towards maternity?” she asks the lady at the front desk. She gives her a map and some instructions. Deanna is on a mission, barley acknowledging his existence beside her.

“You know what the maternity ward is? Why aren’t we in the emergency room?” he asks, trying to catch up with her in the hospital hallway.

“Sam!” she says, stopping in her tracks, “Shut up, for a minute!” She’s scaring him, so he silently follows her to the maternity ward. It’s a terrifying place filled with screaming women and terrified men, crying babies and the smell of bodily fluids and bleach in the air. “I think I’m in labor,” she tells the maternity desk.

“I’ll get someone, would you mind sitting down and filling some paperwork.” Deanna takes the clipboard and sits down in the waiting room.

“Why are we here?” he asks, sitting beside her.

“I’m having a baby,” she says with gritted teeth.

“What!”

“Do you think we could talk about this later?” she growls. Sam isn’t going to argue with her, instead he takes the clipboard back to the woman at the front desk and waits alongside her. She doesn’t look how women in labor should look, not in Sam’s limited TV-watching experience. She is picking at a thread on the knee of her jeans. She is wearing a baggier shirt than normal, but he can’t really see a bump. Her arms and face don’t look any bigger than normal, perhaps her cheeks a little rounder but he figured age and lack of hunts had caught up with her. The women in the waiting room have big bellies, in their smock dresses. When the nurse finally calls her name he follows her into the examination room.

“This is my brother, Sam,” she says, before the woman can ask if he’s the father. “Should probably call Cas.” Sam calls Cas whilst she’s having her urine tested. Cas is remarkably calm, he clearly knew her little secret. When he comes back, his sister has rolled her shirt up to reveal her tummy. There was an unmistakable baby bump there, not a big one, but it wasn’t her usual flat toned stomach. “It’s about a week early, is that okay?”

“He’s just excited to meet his mommy,” she says, feeling at the bump. “Head down, a good position. When did the contractions start?”

“I started having pains in the night, wasn’t sure if it was the real deal. Have gotten worse in the last six to seven hours,” She had been In labor throughout the whole hunt, killing a demon whilst her body worked. Sam sits down, unable to take his eyes of her belly. “Waters haven’t broken.”

“I’ll do an internal check,” she says, monitoring her blood pressure. “Are you having a bad contraction right now?” Deanna nods and the nurse laughs “Women have been rolling on the floor screaming for less. You are a strong lady.” Even in labor, Deanna wasn’t going to show any emotions, she just closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

“I’ve had worse,” she says. Sam sits quietly listening to Deanna explain what she had for breakfast, how much she has felt the baby move and any previous health issues. Deanna mostly skips over the many near-death experiences she has had. It’s like he’s slipped into a parallel world

Cas appears breathlessly and flustered. He trips over himself as he sees her led there. “Where have you been?”

“I came as quickly as I could,” he sighs “Are you in pain?”

“The contractions are strong, haven’t even heard a grunt. You got a strong girl here,” the nurse says.

“That she is,” he beams. Sam leaves and lets the couple talk. Cas joins him in the waiting room ten minutes later. “They’re moving her to a delivery suite. She’s halfway there and baby is doing great, really healthy heartbeat.”

“How did I not know? Even today, I thought she had an ankle injury or something.”

“You know your sister, she is very good at keeping secrets. She wouldn’t talk about it, wouldn’t acknowledge it. We came to appointments and she sometimes spoke on the drive home. If I wasn’t her lover, I am not sure she would have told me.”

“And everything is good? All healthy and normal?”

“I’m human, she’s human. There is no risk our son is anything but human. I presume that’s what you meant? Doesn’t mean it can’t go wrong, of course. He is a little early and Deanna hasn’t stopped hunting throughout.”

“If I had known I would have taken Eileen,” Sam says. “She looks small, is that normal?”

“She was very fit before but it has generally been a healthy pregnancy. Despite her inability to stop hunting. We would like to ask you, would you like to come in the delivery room? Deanna needs all strength she can get and I know you are a big source for her.”

Sam follows Cas back into the room. Deanna has changed into yoga pants and a pink vest, her belly peeking out between the two. They walk slowly to the delivery ward, listening to the sounds of women bellowing and baby’s crying. Cas fusses around his sister, when they get to the room, who perches on the end of the bed with her eyes closed.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would never have taken you on that hunt,” he tells her.

“Answered your own question.”

“You can’t go on hunts whilst pregnant, you were in labor for god’s sake!” Sam can’t help but get angry. She was vulnerable and in pain, she could have easily hurt both herself and her baby that morning. Cas walks around the bed, where he had unpacked the bag she had pulled from her trunk. “You can’t keep secrets like that from me! I’m your brother!”

“Can we do this later?” Cas says, his voice deep and threatening. She leans over the bed, onto her elbows and grunts. He rubs circles on her back, not taking his eyes off Sam. “I just need Dee to deliver a healthy baby!”

Sam knows he’s acting a dick. Whatever issues he had, they could deal with them later. He takes a walk outside, trying not to feel hurt that she would hide such a huge part of her life from him. He sits outside the maternity ward, watching couples pacing up and down, women rubbing their bellies and he can’t believe his sister was one of those women. Her and Cas were in love, sure, it had been obvious for a very long time but he never once heard them talk about wanting a family. In fact, Deanna seemed to have a hatred for babies.

When he gets back to the room, Deanna is on her hands and knees hissing. Cas has one hand rubbing circles on his back and is speaking to a nurse about wanting it as natural as possible. “Not cool,” his sister says.

“Deanna, you need to lie down. They want to monitor you,” he whispers to her.

“My back,” she whinges. But she lies down, cushion propping her up in bed, Cas helping her the whole way. They strap her to monitors to her belly and a blood pressure monitor around her arm, “I’m too old for this!”

“How do you think I feel?” he whispers to her. He then sees a wet patch forming on her pants.

“My water,” she groans.

“Should help relieve some pressure,” the nurses says.

“It popped? Did you hear it pop?” Deanna says. “Least I’m in labor and not going home.”

Sam sits down in the corner and looks away as Cas strips her of her pants and panties. She spends the next hour or so led down clutching his hand, her face scrunched up in silent pain, as he leans over the bed rails to whisper how beautiful she was. She gets louder as the contractions go on and Sam feels helpless. She doesn’t want anything, all she needs is Cas rubbing her side as she leans into him. She even turns down snacks, words he never thought he’d hear from his sister. She gets into a routine of lying flat on her back and cracking jokes and telling stories of when Sam was a kid. Then a contraction hits, she scrunches her face and rolls over to face Cas, who is sat beside her. He grips onto her hand and tells her little encouragements before it ends.

“I think I want to push.”

“Slow quick breaths,” Cas tells her, stroking her hair. More nurses have appeared, all putting gloves on. They tell her not to push and she starts sobbing into Cas’ arm. Whatever has just happened inside her body, she suddenly breaks. Any façade she had up is now gone.

“The pressure is so bad,” she cries. Sam is torn between staying to support his sister, as helpless as he finds it, and walking outside so he can breathe again. He stays, Cas and Deanna need someone there. She’s sobbing in pain as the nurses tells her she’s nine centimetres dilated.

“I know it’s a lot of pressure, but calm focused breaths,” Cas tells her. Deanna crying is a rare sound, one that means the apocalypse is coming, it’s the sound that appears in his nightmares.

“What am I supposed to be doing?” she says.

“Just relax, follow your body,” one of the nurses says. Cas and the nurses chat through medical terminology and what happens to the baby after delivery. All whilst Deanna groans deeply into the arm resting on the bed railing. This is the worst pain he has seen Deanna in for a while, yet all the nurses are talking like it’s a miracle she can still talk.

“I need to push,” she snaps, followed by a shout.

“Ease him out,” Cas soothes, “I know he’s an eager Winchester by slowly ease him out.” Cas asks Sam to help reposition her, moving her onto her back with her legs open. Sam stands on the opposite side of the bed to Cas, so she can grab each man by the hand.

“Is that her head I feel?” she asks. “Look I’m getting skinnier already,” she says, before winking at Cas.

“He’s right there,” the nurse says. “I can feel his head.” The nurses is telling her to pull her legs up when a contraction hits but he can see she has glazed over.

“Open your body like a flower. Listen to your body,” Cas tells her.

“I love you Cas,” she says. “But shut the fuck up.”

She’s so in the zone, she has no idea what anyone is saying around her. He knows that look, the Deanna Winchester is on a mission look. When Cas repeats it she nods and stares up at him, Sam reminds himself to use that tactic in the future. She quietly sits, eyes closed, breathing shallow and concentrates. He feels bad for all the times he’s whined about the smallest things, when she is silently squeezing a human out of her.

“This is the one,” she announces, eyes open and focused. “Get ready,” she looks at Cas, who moves towards the bottom of the bed to see his son being born. She lets go of his hand and grips onto the bed railings. The nurses tells him to hold her knee up and help keep her legs open. From that angle he can see her body opening up. It’s fascinating but entirely terrifying. He looks away, concentrating on her sister who has her head tipped back in agony. Cas has hold of her other leg, rubbing it up and down and describing what he can see. There are so many voices and noises and machines, but all Sam can hear is her cries of pain. He can’t help but look down and see his nephew emerging into the world.

“Deanna, the head is out. Keep your knees up because they can’t stay like this!” the nurse barks. The baby flies out quicker than he expected, so quickly Cas barely has time to catch it. He lays their son on a towel on Deanna’s bare belly. Cas is rubbing her with a towel as Deanna lies back against the pillow sobbing.

“She’s so warm,” she says, clutching onto her newborn. “You were kicking the shit out of me for so long.” Cas cuts the cord with more pride than he had ever seen a man have.

“You did it!” Sam tells her. He takes a step back and let Cas and Deanna dry their son down with the towel. Cas kisses her gentle and praises her.

“Something’s coming out,” she says, not taking her eyes of her daughter.

“The bag is released, just give a little push,” the nurse says. Deanna scrunches her face up as she delivers the placenta.

Cas helps Deanna take her bra off and places their son on her chest. “He hasn’t opened his eyes yet, is that normal?” she asks.

“It was a lot of work,” the nurse smiles. “He’s tired.”

“How do you think I feel?” she snorts.

Such a tiny delicate baby came out of his brash and often crude sister. Cas follows the nurses around as they weight him, exactly eight pounds, scared he would get lost. They call him Zeppelin Robert. She is released after four hours, the nurses could do nothing to stop her leaving. She lets Cas drive her home in his car, the car seat already set up, whilst Sam drives the Impala back. The first she does is sleep whilst Cas gives Zeppelin a tour of the bunker. From his little snores, he’s pretty uninterested.

“You baby-proofed it?” he asks, once she arises and showers. “I thought you were just slowly retiring, hiding the guns and weapons but no, you were Zeppelin-proofing the bunker.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I know I should have. I was scared you would judge me. Look at me differently. I didn’t tell anyone but Cas. That’s because I wanted to fuck him.”

“How would I have judged you?” he asks, ignoring her last comments.

“Being a hunter as a woman fucking sucks, they expect you to be weak and emotional. Imagine how they were look at me if I told them I was pregnant. I was scared, I’ll admit I was scared you’d tell me I had to stay at home and start baking pie and stop killing things! I was scared you’d tell me that I’d be a shitty mother, that I would be repeating Dad’s mistakes.”

“Deanna.”

“Sammy, I will give up the hunting. I don’t want Zep to be involved, I want him to have a life with both of his parents. I want him to grow up believing the world is good and be loved. I’m not giving this up because I’m weak, because I’m a woman.”

“I don’t think you’d be a shitty mother,” he says, finally getting a word in. “I don’t think you’ll be shitty at all. You were a great Mom to me, to Jack, to Claire. I just wished you had told me you wanted to start a family.”

“I didn’t know I could, if Cas could. I couldn’t sit around waiting for it to happen. Couldn’t wait for something to go wrong. Feels kinda cheesy telling you that I’ve been wanting to have Cas’ baby for months, years. Since Jack, perhaps before. I love that fucking dork. Are you happy now?”

“I’m happy for you.”

She tiredly smiles at him. That was the end of the emotional chat.


End file.
